Last Updated on May 26, 2022 by eidesk
Here are my latest contributions to my local radio station’s The Thought that Counts section. The Thought that Counts is usually broadcast on the Breakfast Show at about 7.30 and the lunchtime show at about 1.30 over the period of a week. Each broadcast lasts about 90 seconds. My contributions are all based around some aspect of emotional intelligence. I’ve put my contributions together as hints and tips in this podcast. On this occasion, my reflections cover: The Myths around Happiness. What is Love? Gratitude and being grateful. Would you Rather be Happy or Contented? And, Getting Stuck with the Wrong Emotions.
I hope you enjoyed the podcast, and these “The Thought that Counts”. The Thought that Counts. There is a huge happiness and positive thinking industry estimated to be worth about 10 billion pounds a year. And this has helped create the fantasy that happiness is a realistic goal. Most people aspire to be happy in their live, but let’s just take a moment to understand why this is unrealistic. Humans are not designed to be happy. Instead we’re designed primarily to survive and reproduce, like every other creature in the natural world. Happiness is discouraged by nature because it would lower our guard against possible threats to our survival, and mean that we’re more likely to take unacceptable risks.
So, we should take comfort in the knowledge that unhappiness is not really our fault. Our emotions are mixed and impure, messy, tangled, and at times contradictory like everything else in our lives. Suggesting that the pursuit of happiness is unrealistic may appear to be a negative message. The real message is in the knowledge that dissatisfaction and being unhappy at times, is not a personal failure. It’s not a shortcoming that demands urgent repair. Far from it. Recognise that happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness. This variation in emotion is in fact what makes us human. The Thought that Counts. Love is a complex set of emotions, behaviours and beliefs associated with thoughts that include several emotions and intense feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person. So, love is not a single emotion or even a coherent mix of emotions.
Love can also be applied to non-human animals. principles, and to religious beliefs. For example, you might say you love your dog, you love freedom, or you love God. Love changes with different levels of intensity and meaning. Sometimes love is just a word that fails have much meaning. In the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and lust. Both are associated with physical attraction, and an intoxicating rush of biochemistry that makes us feel good, coupled with an often overwhelming desire to be closer to another person. However, only one is long lasting – love. Love is something that’s cultivated between two people and grows over time; through getting to know them and experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. It involves commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance. Relationships don’t last because of the good times, they last because the hard times were handled with love and care.
The Thought that Counts. Gratitude is an active choice to identify everything that we can be grateful for in our lives. We can be grateful for a seemingly trivial thing, like a moment of kindness a strangers shows us, or seemingly profound things like a loving relationship or our health. With any problems we encounter, we’re not denying any difficulties we may be experiencing by acknowledging the good that sits alongside them. Gratitude isn’t an anecdote to our problems, but a gentle counterpoint to the inclination of our mind to identify everything that’s lacking, or imperfect in our lives.
There are many things to develop gratitude. One is to look at all of the good things we often take for granted, and then look more deeply into them to acknowledge and extend appreciation to all the people and conditions that brought them into being. Gratitude is neither sentimental, a denial of the difficult, or necessarily easy. It’s training to incline our mind in a new direction of appreciation, so that we can make choices about where to place our attention. The more you use gratitude every day, the greater the good will bring into your life. The Thought that Counts. What would you rather feel most of the time – happy or contented? Happiness is generally defined as the emotional experience of frequent positive thoughts, such as joy, interest or pride. Whereas, contentment is defined as a longer lasting emotion, a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude.
Happiness sounds preferable, but happiness has a temporary nature attached to it, as it’s not a sustainable emotion. Contentment, on the other hand, has a longer lasting effect on those that experience it. Although the immediate benefits appear less beneficial on the mind, you get more value from the longer lasting deeper feeling of contentment compared to the instant, yet short-lived hits of happiness. Contentment gives you a sense of purpose that you can enjoy. You can also appreciate some, not all, of life’s trials and tribulations. Happiness would not allow for such challenges and understanding. Remember that someone else is happy with less than what you have. As Socrates said, “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” The Thought that Counts. I wouldn’t mind getting stuck in feelings of excitement, joy, or calm, but that’s not where I get stuck. I get stuck in feelings of resentment, irritation and anger. If you get stuck with these emotions too, here’s how to navigate them. Validate them. Name one emotion that you’re feeling then ask yourself, what else am I feeling? Validate those emotions you’re feeling by setting them in whatever way works for you. Feel them in your body.
Welcome them for a moment before moving on to the next step. Explore them. Unpack the emotion a bit now. Ask questions. What is the emotion trying to tell me? What is the nugget of wisdom that can be found in this emotion? What other emotions might help me achieve the same thing? Transform them. Acknowledging emotions has a powerful effect on their strength. You may already feel your emotion shifting. Use this shifting energy to decide what action to take next. How will you meet the needs of your emotions? How will you go forward with purpose? You can’t always control what goes on outside of you. But you can control what goes on inside. I’m Robin Hills from Ei4Change. Empoering your Emotional Management. The Thought that Counts.
